Wimpiness Underestimated

Ok, well as most of you know I'm a self proclaimed SUPER WIMP. Part of the reason I haven't wanted to get pregnant is because I'm VERY VERY aware of my pain tolerance. What is weird is that my pain tolerance without intervention is a lot higher than when a doctor is actually causing the pain. I'm sure there is some long drawn out psychological name for this, but it is true in my case. When I know something is going to happen I tense up, get anxious, scared, etc making the whole process worse. It really is less about the pain and more about the time leading up to something.

I give you this background so that I can explain how my first pregnancy pelvic exam went in today's Dr. appt.... not so good! WOW that was not what I expected. Quite uncomfortable. I couldn't relax so the doctor didn't get a full read :( she said since I don't have any signs of labor thus far we'll try again next time. I mentioned that an epidural is in my future and she laughed and said that is a good idea. Of course I'm disappointed in myself for being such a stress case, but at least I can prepare for next time and I know exactly what to expect. People can tell you what to expect, but it makes all the difference to experience it for yourself since we are all so different. I haven't decided if having Kevin there made me more or less anxious. I might leave him out of the room next time to experiment.

Anyway, everything else looked fine at the appt. Dr. Osburn is pretty sure the head is down based on what she felt in the pelvic exam and where the heart beat was located. She also pointed out his butt is high on the right side. So that is good news. My weight, tummy measurement and heart rate (104/70) was all on track as well. :)

Side Note: I am looking forward to tonight as a few friends are going to be at Baby Shower/Dinner to celebrate Baby Hahm. We are eating at a restaurant called Tin Angel. It is a centralized location near my old company SCRI where several people still work. It has been awhile since I have seen some of them so I'm very excited just to chit chat. I was thinking about wearing a cute dress, but I'm starting to lean towards my most comfortable clothes instead... that is what happens at 37 weeks :)

I know it is a day late, but here is a picture of Mocha chewing his toy. He has pretty much had it in his mouth since we gave it to him - I guess he likes it.

Speechless

We finished our DVD educational series on childbirth.  I was doing ok with each lesson until the last two... now I'm just speechless.  The last two talked about the actual 3 stages of labor and all of the associated pain and discomfort and all of the drugs or medical interventions.  As I watched getting increasingly more anxious here are some of the takeaways I heard... I may have had selective hearing....

- If you use Pitocin to induce labor the contractions are a lot worse

- If you use Pitocin in combo with epidural you may actually slow down or stop labor and you will have to have a csection

- If you are over 35 your uterus doesn't spring back for 9 to 12 months and you just stay saggy - oh man!!

- If they have to break your water the contractions are worse since there isn't any padding for the head if the water is gone

- If you have any spinal leakage from the epidural you'll have the worst headache and you'll have to get a blood patch to stop it

- If you get too tired they may have to use forceps or a vacuum and give you an episiotomy (Guess I should have done some marathon training before getting preg-now it is too late)

- It is possible that you can have 3 tubes in you in the same area that you are pushing the baby out, 1 tube is actually twisted in to the babies skull to measure distress. Seriously, 3 other things!

- About another 100 things that either lead to more pain or a csection .....  and I can't wait to not be able to sit down for weeks FUN STUFF!!

Can you tell I'm officially 'officially' freaked out a little.  I have always been freaked out by this stuff, but now I wasn't even sure what to think or do with myself when we turned off the tv, I just basically stood up and stretched as I spaced out the rest of the night. 

Kevin asked me, "is there anything I can do for you?"  I said, "Give birth to Baby Hahm" and even he said, "Uh no, that sounds pretty painful"  :(

They were talking about breastfeeding your baby as they stitch your 6 layers up that they cut through for a csection.  You must just feel so used and abused by that point, you are cut open and your baby is feeding... is that really what happens, that seems crazy. 

I figure the only thing that will get me through this is that I really have no choice....  Baby Hahm has been giving me some hard kicks to the right side, maybe he can sense my scarediness (I guess that is fair)