The Big 'B' and SSSHHHHHH

Nathaniel is getting baptized this Sunday. Kevin's parents are coming in to town to be here for the baptism and of course to meet Nathaniel. Kevin's family (including Kevin) have been members of the WELS Lutheran Church for a very very long time and have several family members that serve as clergy in the organization. The baptism ceremony is a little bit different than what I'm used to having grown up around a mostly Catholic extended family. It isn't quite as formal and ceremonial as the Catholics, but obviously the general purpose is the same. The Lutheran baptisms usually take place at the beginning of the church services in front of the congregation. I'm not sure if there will be a picture or not, but there will be at least one of us afterwards so I'll try and post something (granted I have like 2 things I can wear, it is amazing how many clothes rub in the exact spot of the c section scar making it a bit uncomfortable)

Now on to SSSSHHHHH. I find myself thinking and saying this all the time now. We do try and use, 'The happiest baby on the block' method, but this isn't the only Shooshing we are doing these days. The shooshing method from that book is suppose to bring out the calming reflex in a crying/colicy baby. But back to the other SSSHHHHHing ...I was always one of those people that said I'll keep it loud and go on with my daily business etc. etc. and the kid will grow up to be able to sleep anywhere (like me). While I still believe this philosophy and will enact these method eventually... right now SSSHHHHH is the method we are using. As mentioned earlier in a separate post, Nathaniel doesn't really get enough sleep due to his cranky, fussy, crying periods so anytime he actually sleeps I do my BEST to keep him sleeping. The less sleep he gets the crankier he gets so we just need to get him some shut eye until this phase blows over. On occasion he does enter a deeper sleep so then we go about our normal noises.

The dogs don't bark a lot but they are quickly learning that I mean business if I tell them to stop barking. Granted I have to be in the room right by the dogs for my reprimands to work since I don't just scream things from another room so sometimes the barking ensues. Overall, Nate sleeps through most things including the barking, but I just don't want to take any chances right now since it is so so much nicer to not have to carry him around crying (Nate is the one crying, not me) - I just can't handle that bottom lip pucker face he gets staring up at me :) I do always remind him that if I could figure it out I'd fix it so he needs to start talking earlier than scheduled!! I have even made up several songs I sing to him while he cries about how being happy is awesome and crying is overrated - I'm starting to think my singing makes his crying worse though..... hhhmmm

Sleep, Eat and Poo (not to be confused with Eat, Pray, Love)

I am stumped. Really. How does something so small that really doesn't do much manage to use up all the time in the day?? Lil Nate has only 5 things on his agenda usually 1) Sleep 2) Eat 3) Poo or pee 4) small play/alert time and 5) Be fussy. Granted the 'fussy' times take some real effort and time, but what about the rest of the day and the other 4 agenda items? Seriously, it will be noon and I'm like what has happened - am I in a time machine that sucks minutes away? You'd think with a 1-3 hr nap here or there I'd be all productive getting stuff done, but somehow my first thing on my 'to-do' list doesn't even get done. Usually in these blocks of time I'm trying to quick eat, organize a few things, debate whether I have time for a shower before he wakes, give the dogs some love and then all of a sudden he is awake again. I try to rest or take a nap during one of his naps (if he actually sleeps, but this almost never happens or if it does he inevitably wakes up 10 minutes after I lay down - murphy's law right!)

Maybe it is because I stare endlessly at him in amazement while he sleeps and this takes up all of my time - nah that isn't me, even though I do check in on him quite often to make sure he is breathing and is still super duper cute! I get plenty of bonding time with him during feedings where I can look at his little pudgy face the entire time (I may glance at the ipad here or there too - I know I'm a bad person)

Ok, ok, so maybe I exaggerate a bit since I am blogging right now and I have squeezed in a DVR'd show or two along the way... but I am seriously amazed about how much time a little baby actually takes up. Maybe it is the quick cycle time between feedings and naps so you are always running against the clock. And the naps don't always happen super quick so while you may have 3-4 hours between feedings sometimes there is only a real 1 or 2 hours of actual sleep time where you can do anything tangible. Regardless, by the end of the day I am always asking myself, 'where the heck did the time go?' I am assuming once you have several kids you have become super efficient and know all the tricks or else you'd never get anything completed.

In the end, maybe I just sit around spacing out thinking about how I still can't believe I have a little baby. What a wonderful little time sucker I have to look forward to every day. Now, having thought about it - I think my agenda items are the same as his right now (including fussy).... haha... well, it is kind of true though!

Nathaniel's 2nd Appt

Time flies. Nathaniel went to his second appt today. Once again Dr. Townsend was very helpful, it is nice not feeling like she is rushing us out, she takes the time to go over all our questions. Granted a lot of our questions don't really have solid answers... a lot of the answers are 'it depends' or 'I wish there was a black and white answer' or 'all babies are different' This was usually in regards to the fussiness. Anyway, his belly button thingy has completely fallen off and it looks good. His vitals checked out ok. He weighed in at 9 pounds 9 oz. This is a 1 lb gain since our last appt. (16 oz. over 13 days) I guess the range is 1/2 oz. to 1 oz. per day. If you do the math he is on the larger side of that range, which I don't mind since that means he is getting enough to eat - YAY!.

It was funny because during most of the appt when Dr. Townsend was inspecting him he was just looking at her being the perfect baby and she joked that he didn't look fussy at all. I said, 'You are meeting Daytime Nathaniel'. We did find out he isn't getting enough sleep due to his fussy periods. She said up to 20 hours can be normal for an infant and he gets anywhere between 13 and 15 hours. Part of me thinks he gets so tired that he can't get himself to sleep leading to the fussiness. Who knows, just a theory that I'm sure won't pan out ;)

Well, that is my quick update for today. Healthy Baby makes me a Happy Mommy! (and Dad too!) I'm on borrowed time since I can hear some peeps from the other room, I had hoped he'd sleep, but No.... stupid witching hour(s)

What happened to Easy Going?

Early on we (along with several others) said Baby Hahm was going to take after his parents and be easy going. Well, so far this prediction is NOT true. Unfortunately, the dreaded 'Witching Hour' might be alive and well in our house. The definition of the 'Witching Hour' has something to do with witches, ghosts, etc. at their most powerful and when black magic is most effective. Now I'm not sure how a newborn's hour(s) of fussiness has been labeled this.... maybe because you need some magic (some other color than black) to help you get through it. Or maybe it is because your baby doesn't resemble the baby from earlier in the day and you figure that can't possibly be your baby. Regardless, it makes the evening hours somewhat challenging.

It is funny because you start out these evenings thinking you are going to be a genius and figure out how to soothe and stop the fussiness. Quickly, you learn that the baby has you beat. You can run down every list and check off everything and the baby is still fussy. The baby can even fool you for about 5 or 10 minutes. You will try something new and the crying will stop and you think to yourself, 'YYEESSS' that was it... 'I'm an awesome baby genius' only to have him stick out that bottom lip and cry again. The bottom lip sticking out is the best on little Nate, he looks so disappointed that you can't figure it out. Diaper (check), fed (check), not to warm or not to cold (check), swing (check), rocking (check), vibration (check), burped (check), soothing noises (check), swaddle (check), new environment (check), one million other things (check)... after going through what seems like every possible option... Nathaniel's little fists and feet of fury start kicking and moving at light speed. I figure it was those fists and feet of fury in my belly that was making my right side hurt so much :) He does love to be carried around and rocked and that is what ultimately gets us through these evenings (granted Kevin does the majority of the carrying around right now). Side Note: This is where you get what is called 'mom arms' from carrying your baby around a lot during the witching hours ... man does it build muscle!!

A lot of people mention that you can just let the baby 'cry it out', but several things published today (well that I've glanced at) don't really like that method past a few minutes when the baby is still so young. The baby can't really build any bad habits yet and is mainly learning that there is someone there to trust. As I've mentioned before it is hard to go cold turkey from 24/7 rocking/cradling in the womb to this lonely outside world. It is true that a baby does need to learn how to self soothe so you do need to give them some room to fuss alone.

Now it is possible the fussiness could be caused by colic or my diet... we are looking in to those things too. Regardless, he is lucky he is so darn cute during the other parts of the day to make up for his 'DIVO ways' ;)   The video below will give you a taste of the lil Divo.

Some random pics of Nate as a newborn that were on Kevin's phone that I hadn't seen yet

Missing My Dogs

Look at these guys. I think they are tired from having a baby in the house too :)

Ok so I haven't talked about the dogs and Nate yet. I figure I better start from the beginning. Remember we came home from the hospital late on Monday Oct 3rd. We had all of these plans on how to introduce the dogs to Nate, but all of that was useless once I had a c section. The c section really limited how I could interact with the dogs let alone with a baby. The dogs had not seen me for 4 days. 4 days is a lifetime to our super needy dependant spoiled dogs. It is our fault they are so needy so I can't blame them - it is us who spoil them - I LOVE spoiling them.

That being said, just for me to get in the house and see the dogs I had to sit at the dining room table and put chairs all around me so that neither dog could jump on me. They were just so wired that I couldn't take any chances with the c section. Poor Mocha had been in his crate for basically 4 days straight so you can imagine how much energy that poor guy had by himself. Needless to say they didn't even notice that Nate was sitting in his car seat on the dining room table because they were so excited to see me. After they settled a bit I moved to my bed and we put Nate in the pack n play. It was at this point Mocha noticed the little guy. He immediately got even more hyper, which made Kona hyper so we had to call it quits for the night. You can't properly introduce dogs to a baby in that state of mind.

We immediately decided they were going to doggie daycare the next day so that we could strategize what to do. It was already overwhelming to be at home with a new baby and also be feeling pretty crappy because of the surgery.

We decided that we were going to take it slow with the dogs. They aren't showing any aggression it was just that they were hyper. I couldn't train the dogs properly in the state I was in (I still can't really). Until I am physically capable we have pretty much separated the dogs from Nate. Kevin does training with the dogs when he is home. He carries Nate around and lets the dogs get used to his sounds and cries and smells. We give them all kinds of treats when they sit even when they'd rather be bugging Nate. We put a gate on the master bedroom door and that works perfect. Our master is downstairs so that is where me and Nathaniel spend 95% of our time right now. I rest and recover and he rests and feeds :) The dogs can look in at me and Baby Nate and get used to things. They whine on occasion, but not too bad.

I should back up and give Kona some credit. She is already integrated with the lil guy. She comes in the master and sits at the end of the bed. She sniffs him and his stuff but really is pretty bored with him already. We keep her out most of the time just because of Mocha. We don't want her to get overprotective of Nate without Mocha. We figure they need to be equal. Mocha has a little bit of training still. Remember he isn't aggressive or anything he just gets hyper and really interested. He already loses interest pretty quickly so we think here soon things will be old hat. It will really help once I can feel comfortable carrying Nate and being around the dogs at the same time.

So while the whole dog thing wasn't as easy peasy as planned it is going better and better. I sure miss cuddling with my guys at night :( I sometimes have Nate in a little bassinet on the bed with me so the dogs aren't allowed to sleep with me yet. Once Nate is in his pack n play at night they can probably join me. Patience and time is all we need. I also don't want them jumping accidently on my stomach (that would hurt)

Here is another picture of them sitting next to me right now... they are sure cute! I better run I hear Nathaniel starting to cry ...

First Day Alone

Today Kevin went back to work. I was panicking a little (ok A LOT) because he really really helps me out with feeding time and **fussy** time and everything else (He deserves a lot of kudos for stepping up and just being really great to me and Nate through all of this recovery, not that I expected anything less, but he has given 150%). I still get sore when I lift things for too long (I feel it later in the day A LOT) I try and compensate for the tummy area and then my back really starts to hurt. Unfortunately, Baby Nate likes to be held when he is fussy. Right now I just can't really hold him very long making it a little frustrating since I can't really calm him down very well (hard to be a new mom and not be able to hold your crying baby).

All that being said, today went as smooth as I could hope for - let's hope the rest of the week goes ok too. I'd be lying if I said it was easy, but at least Nate and the dogs cooperated.

More on the dogs and Nate later... but there was one small thing that happened today I thought was funny. Kona and Mocha were outside. They usually paw at the door when they want in (~ 10 minutes after I let them out) and usually I'm pretty free to let them in, well... with Baby Nate I'm not as flexible. I could hear them getting antsier and antsier... all of a sudden they were inside. Kona opened the door herself. She has done that once before, but now she may be actually figuring it out. The door handle isn't round but more of a handle so she paws at it and it eventually opens. If I could teach her to close it after her and Mocha were inside then we'd be in business :)

Emotionless is Key

One thing I have learned about recovering from abdominal surgery is that you should stay emotionless if you want to heal. I first noticed this when my sister was here. We could not watch any comedy shows or bring up anything funny (which can be hard for us). Laughing feels like my stitches are tearing. It is amazing that something that feels so good to do can feel a little like torture. I was again reminded of this yesterday when me and Kevin were looking at some pictures we took of Nate. Some were so goofy that it was impossible not to laugh. I had to have Kevin leave the room and I shut down the computer because I just couldn't stop laughing and I knew I'd pay for it later. Later on that night, we were watching the TV show called 'The Middle' and I had to turn away as well. Man o man is it hard not laughing. Coughing and sneezing is no pleasure either - apparently stomach muscles are used for everything! In an effort to not laugh, Kevin and I watch shows like Criminal Minds and CSI so that there isn't a chance of me laughing. I figure the longer I stay basically emotionless the better off I'll be.

Other happenings:

Well today we had our first family outing - woo hoo. I decided I should try to at least leave the house for a bit. I wasn't sure how long I'd last, but figured it was worth a try. I still can't drive (even though I'm off drugs). The books and DR's say not to drive until you can really turn and be in a seatbelt comfortably (usually 3-4 wks). Anyway, we decided to go to Kohl's. Nathaniel's first store he has ever visited is Kohl's. As I hobbled around the store he was a perfect little boy, not even one peep. We received this really cool car seat cover from my friend Kelly that works perfect for going to the store. It goes over the top part of the car seat so that no one can touch or cough on Baby Nate. There is a window you can open on the cover so that you can check in on him, it is really cool. Although slow I decided I could venture to another store.... we decided on Toys R Us... probably a more fun place for a kid haha. Once we were there I started to get tired and stiff though so we didn't last too long. Nate slept through the Saturday madness there as well. They have a surprisingly big Baby essentials (diapers, bottles, clothes, etc.) area for a toy store.

I still can't believe it has been two weeks since we were having Nathaniel. Sometimes it feels like time is zooming by (most things baby related) and sometimes it doesn't (most things pain and recovery related). On occasion I have been asked, 'Was it (it = labor and delivery) as bad as you thought it would be? and Isn't it (it= Nathaniel) all worth it?' I decided the answer to both is, 'yes' :) haha

Side Note: I was pleasantly surprised by our neighbors. We don't really know anyone all that well, but one neighbor brought over a little gift for Nate and another one brought over a dinner for us to eat. How nice is that?

Another pic or two of course

Statue

Today I was in the same position for over 3 hours without even adjusting much - basically I was becoming a statue. Why? Well, Baby Nate fell asleep basically on me and I just couldn't move him. He looked so cuddly and content. My butt was getting numb, my back started to ache, but it is all worth it so that he could just sleep soundly. Little Nathaniel tends to get a little cranky when you put him to sleep. I'm pretty sure he is a little Diva (Divo?? whatever the boy form of that may be) and prefers for us to hold him. The nurses in the nursery at the hospital had briefly mentioned this to us when we were there. I remember more than one of them telling us that he likes to be rocked to sleep. If you think about it, it is probably very difficult for him to go cold turkey. He was being rocked, cradled, cuddled 24/7 in the womb and now we expect him to be satisfied without that feeling?? I get it so I am not afraid (nor is Kevin) to spoil our little Divo (especially in this first month before real schedules are learned).

This is him cuddled on me

Nathaniel's First Check Up

Today was Nathaniel's first appt at the pediatrician's office with Dr. Townsend. As expected we were a little late getting out of the house since we aren't used to having to get the baby ready and the car seat in and diaper bag essentials together - that being said we were on time to the appt at least. The pediatrician was great - she answered all of our questions and said, 'things look great'. Nathaniel is not only back to his original birth weight he is 2 oz. heavier making him 8 pounds 9 oz.. His eyes have been a little crusty and we got some drops that should help. Apparently, some babies can have a kink in their tear duct that can cause their eyes to be a little crusty. This is suppose to clear up and the drops can help in the meantime. Dr. Townsend asked if his pee stream was strong and Kevin and I didn't know since he always wets his diapers, but the minute the pediatrician took his diaper off he immediately showed her his stream :) - strong was the conclusion. His next appt is in two weeks.

Nathaniel's first Dr. appt

I am still making progress, but my soreness goes up and down. I am going to try and lift as little as possible and lay down as much as possible so that when Kevin goes back to work on Monday I've given myself as much healing time as possible.

On a sad sad note: My sister left today (tears). It really was special to have her here with me during this special time in my life. She really helped me take my mind off of my soreness and pain. I'm so glad Baby Nate got to meet her!

Aunt Krista and Nate - look at him looking at Krista

Misc. Pics

Fancy dad and Nate

Cute stuff

Look at that little hand



Is He Breathing

My sister is still here helping out. It is so nice to have someone I'm so close to be around to talk to and be able to get help from as I recover. Plus, it is just special to have her share this time with me. She is an actual Aunt, which is a whole new phase of our relationship... I love it. She was able to calm Nate down tonight after he was cranky for a bit.... perfectly showcasing her Auntie skills.

I make progress daily, but still can't really have Nate on or around my stomach so that makes some things difficult. My gynormously swollen feet are actually back to normal YAY! I had so many fluids because of surgery that I had a lot of swelling in my legs post op.

One thing I always told myself is that I wouldn't be that mom that wondered if her baby was breathing, but I find myself waking up in the middle of the night and wondering 'Is he breathing?' Sometimes he is so silent and still that I have to double check. Apparently, I have become one of those moms.

Couple little things/observations:

The little guy is as cute as ever and is sort of starting to follow some eating patterns, which is nice. He loves looking up at the ceiling fan (the fan isn't on either) he must like the shape. He grasps pretty tight already - his hands are always moving and appear to be quite strong. He was always so active in my belly that it doesn't surprise me that he is very active leg and arm wise now. My favorite thing is when he shakes his head back n forth .... it is like he is saying 'no no no no no'. Kevin is a superb diaper changer! More little things to come....

Few new pics

I'm all Clean - Bath time

What's up - I'm chillin

Snuggly

My First Week Post Op Appt.

My sister is in town YAY!!!! She accompanied me to the doctor today. I'm not allowed to drive nor would I want to in my current state. I got my butterfly bandages off of my scar -- not too painful, but like ripping a band aid off of sensitive skin. The doctor said everything was looking good and we went home. My next post op appt is in 5 weeks. I feel pretty good, I'm up and around. I can't bend down or turn my waist area, but I feel much better than a few days ago.

 

 

Anyway, I know everyone just wants to see pictures of Nathaniel so I figure I'll comply :-) haha

Aunt Krista and Nate

Look at that pumpkin hat :)

go dbacks

Dad rocking Nate to sleep (and himself)

Nathaniel Philip Hahm is Here - a description of Sept 30th

Stats: Sept 30th at 11:13pm, 8 lbs 7 ozs, 21 inches long.

First of all, I know I haven't been all that communicative... it has just been quite exhausting so keeping in touch has proven a little difficult for me. I hope everyone knows I am thankful for their concerns and congrats, etc. I am surrounded by a lot of people who apparently care about me ;) I haven't felt more loved! THANKS!!!

Well, as you can guess by my lack of blogging Baby Hahm has arrived. Baby Hahm is know Baby Nate :) We decided on Nathaniel 'Nate' Philip Hahm. We chose Philip as a middle name because that is both Kevin and his dad's middle name so we carried on the tradition.

Here is a quick summary of a VERY eventful day (s)... I'll blog more details as I have time of course!

I woke up around 6am Sept 30th to feed the dogs. While making a usual pit stop while the dogs were eating (using the bathroom) my water broke. I wasn't quite sure, but then I was pretty sure after the next 15 minutes. Kevin and I gathered ourselves and stuff and headed to the hospital. Upon arriving we checked in (our pre registration wasn't there for some reason so we had to sit through a re registration... my anxiety levels rising and rising). We were then moved to labor and delivery.

Unfortunately, besides my water breaking I had ZERO other signs of labor. I was basically starting labor from scratch (no dilation, only minor minor inconsistent contractions). Once the doctor confirmed that indeed my water did break they started to induce me. This meant I was pumped full of pitocin to get contractions and everything else started. I got an epidural pretty quickly so that I could handle the intense contractions that were being created. As most of you know I was VERY scared to get an epidural. It turned out not to be as bad as I had built up in my mind. Although the thought of something in my spine is still very very weird.

By this time I had an epidural, an IV for fluids, a catheter all sticking out of me... I looked like an experiment beginning to start. After hours I was only making slight progress so they kept increasing the pitocin levels. This in turn made for more and more intense contractions. After HOURS of not a lot of progress they decided to put an internal contraction monitor in me to get an accurate reading of my contractions. Apparently, the external monitors read a little higher sometimes. This was indeed the case. So they up'd the pitocin again. At this point I was having contractions every 2 minutes at a fairly intense level. More and more time passed. I was dilating... good news. I got to about 6cm and my cervix started to swell. You don't want this because now the baby's head can't get by the swelling. Baby Hahm was ramming (literally) ramming his head into my pelvic region causing the swelling. He wasn't going to fit :( At this point (12 -13 hours later) it was determined I needed a c section.

As I was rolled down the hall (completely freaking out and scared) it all became a blur. The lights and stuff in the operating room were bright and everyone was around just doing room prep. I can remember them counting the surgical instruments and verbally stating what drugs were going in me. Kevin showed up sometime after they completely numbed my lower half... WOW is that a weird feeling. I could feel the pin pricks by my neck, I could only feel a dullness in my upper stomach and then Nothing below that ....it was like I didn't have legs or feet. I had to hold my arms out to the side. The worst part was how dry my mouth was - it was the driest it had ever been in my life. I said like 500 times to the anesthesiologist that 'my mouth was dry and I'm so thirsty'

After a tiny bit I felt a pretty good amount of pressure and then I heard crying (11:13pm). Kevin followed Baby Hahm at this point. Baby Hahm got a 9 apgar rating so that was great - he was super healthy. His head was a bit dented due to the ramming from the contractions earlier. I remember saying something (in my groggy state) about getting ripped off because c section babies were supposed to have perfect heads :) While I was getting all put back together Kevin went and did all the initial stuff with the baby, weighing, etc. I know it was hard for him to leave me behind in the OR, but he knew I wanted him to be with the baby.

I was then rolled back to my room - most of which I don't remember. It is weird that you are fully conscious and stuff but still don't remember things because of exhaustion and stress and all the chemicals in you (none of which were narcotics because I didn't want any in case they made the baby sluggish). I then spent the next few days in the hospital completely sore and immobile. Wow, does surgery and HOURs of labor take a toll on you.

Well, that is enough for now.... we went home around 11pm Monday Oct. 3rd. instead of waiting until Tues. Being home (and gimpy) has proven to be an adventure itself .... more on that later.

I'm just excited to have our little family. I do feel blessed in every way for my little guy - It has been a lot harder and full of unexpected things than I imagined, but when I hold him it does help me get over these hurdles. I love Nathaniel in every unexplained way possible.

Here are a myriad of pictures (of course more pics to come)

Getting cleaned in OR - I just think his little grumpy face is cute

First time I got to see Nathaniel

First family pic

Dad and Nate in nursery right after delivery

One of the first pictures in OR