Time Machine

Every so often I like to give myself a dose of reality by watching shows where reality is shown in all its glory (good and bad).  I am sensitive to animal rights issues for instance so I do watch shows on rescues of abused animals, puppy mill atrocities, factory farm clips, etc. even though it churns my stomach and makes me cry.  I watch so that I don't forget that these issues continue even if I don't witness them everyday.  For a lot of people it is easy to cope with certain realities if they can't see them, but for me out of sight is NOT out of mind.  I totally understand that we all choose our own moral compass to live by and for me seeing *reality* is a way I choose to keep my compass in check.  Actually, viewing these types of things has allowed me to form my compass and allows me to feel good about my decisions.

I use this same philosophy for other parts of my life - for instance what it is going to be like to be in labor .  I tune in to some of those shows on TLC that show women in labor to prepare myself for this day.  Yep, it is true several people have told me this is a bad idea, but for me, I like that in your face reality so I watch anyway.  I figure if I see all of these different women over the next few months going through this ordeal I can at least form a baseline to go by.  You can read all you want, but hearing and seeing real experiences brings it home.  I like to expect the worst and then be happy if the worst doesn't happen to me.  I watched a show today that followed 2 women and I'm pretty sure that between the 2 of them "this hurts" was said 100 times in a 1/2 hour.  I also heard an "I can't do it" "Get it out of me" and the nurse stated at one point you are in the "ring of fire" stage.  Anything called ring of fire sounds pretty pretty painful....  Now of course they survived and looked fine a few days later with their bundles of joy.  However, I'm still stuck on the "ring of fire" comment.... so I've decided that mentally today I am going to focus my efforts on creating a time machine so that I can go back to january and maybe rethink this whole thing.  We all know I'm a super wimp so what was I thinking when I thought I could handle this... I shake with anxiety just going to the dentist.  Kevin must have used some voodoo magic to talk me in to this - that is the only rational conclusion.  So I'm off to watch the Back to the Future movies so that I can create a flux capacitor and create my own time machine.

Yep, I know I am having one of those ...first timer nervous days... this won't be the last post to have that as a subject I'm sure.  I mean don't underestimate my wimpiness - I don't even get flu shots cuz that would mean getting a shot. OUCH