Pregnancy Patience Formula

Wal-Mart sucked every bit of blog inspiration that I had today.  I ran in there for a few items and I'm pretty sure I had a backwards makeover by the time I left.  I am usually the person in the crowd that says 'Walmart isn't too bad and at least it is cheap'... well it might be awhile before I even give that tepid review.  There were extra things in every aisle, it was like navigating an obstacle course - an obstacle course with random (let's just say inefficient) people thrown in to make you turn around and choose new paths.  The few items that I was interested in buying did not have a price anywhere in the vicinity of where I was looking.  Instead of going on a quest to find a price checker and adding yet another variable to my shopping experience I just cut my losses and either put the item back or I just figured I'd buy it at whatever price.  I was reaching the upper limit on the 'pregnancy' patience scale and decided to head to the check out. 

Pregnancy Patience Formula: pregnancy patience decreases as the rate of the following factors increases 1) need for bathroom break + 2) amount of germs + 3) amount of sick people + 4) annoyance level of environment    

Now I'm one of those people that park at the garden center entrance to avoid the bumper car part of the normal parking lot.  Not only do you usually get a closer, less aggravating, spot but you can quickly check out at the garden register.  As I approach the garden register I notice a line of 5 people - 5 PEOPLE!! After observing for about 2 seconds it is apparent there is a newly hired cashier... I decide, no problem, I'll give the guy a break and I'll just wait.  5, 4, 3 people to go ... I notice the people who checked out in front of me all coming back in.. weird.. I guess the garden doors are locked.  This voids some of the advantages of my parking plan - urgh.  I decide to cut my losses since this cashier is taking forever and I head to the front of the store.  I figure I have to go out this way now anyway so I might as well go to a speedy check out.  Au contraire, mon frere... I was there forever too.

I happened to pick the check out next to all of the 'as seen on tv' items.  Wow, is there a lot of crazy little things out there to buy.  For instance there is something called 'Easy Feet'... a product that states you will never have to bend down to clean your feet again.  When did we get so lazy that the general public can't clean their feet? Or there is a triangle piece of material that you can buy that fits in your bra and looks like you have a cami on.  Why are we not just wearing a real cami?  Is this the new age Dickey garment?  I could have bought an exerciser shaker, a more elaborate plane pillow, something to shave my heels (ick) and a myriad of other things that really started to crack me up. 

Waiting waiting waiting...needless to say, I was at the upper limit of the Pregnancy Patience scale.  I finally made it to my car and home and now have a freshly brewed french vanilla coffee and I'm starting to slowly return to normal life.

I hope my long unnecessarily drawn out account of a Walmart trip leaves you as equally uninspired .... misery loves company  ;-)